Photograph: Bas Czerwinski/AP

Well we have reached another rest day. It has been an exciting two weeks of cycling! We have seen Australian rider Cadel Evans ride into yellow and then fade away with a broken elbow. We have seen the once untouchable Lance Armstrong struggle and struggle to stay with the top riders in his final tour. We have seen Australian Mark Renshaw kicked out of the race for head butting a fellow cyclist as they raced towards the line; and of course we have seen a cyclist remove his front wheel and whack another cyclist over the head with it! We have seen Contador spit in the face of chivalry and honour and we have seen Andy Schleck’s eyes glow red as anger is now pumping through his veins!

But while the riders have a rest day today, it is fitting for us too to have a rest day. Thus let us take this opportunity to look at one of the most important aspects of the Tour. It is something that most people have wondered about but not dared to ask questions. It is something that if done wrong can ruin a cyclist’s tour, reputation… and possibly even life!

The 'gentleman' method. The nicer of the two methods, but not always possible! (Photo: I couldn'tf find the copyright details, but who would take claim for taking this photo?)

I am talking of course about this important question:

How do the riders pee?

Good question! I mean, they’re in the saddle for 5-6 hours a day everyday, even if they did use the loo before the stage started they would have to go some time during the day. No person can hold their pee forever! Science has proven many times that urination is a very important act for a human beings to do regularly. This was clearly highlighted when a radio station in the US recently held a competition promising to give away a Nintendo Wii to the person who could hold their wee the longest! A very clever and funny idea, that had a disastrous result. One of the contenders held his urine for so long that he ended up poisoning himself and dying.

How many people have to die before the world understands that people need to pee!

See, if you thought I was using hyperbole when I wrote: “It is something that if done wrong can ruin a cyclist’s tour, reputation… and possibly even life!” You were wrong! This is serious stuff!

So, how do the riders pee?

Essentially there are two main ways of urinating while riding in the Tour:

1) The “gentleman” method. The first method for ‘doing a number 1′ is to organise to stop with a small group of people (like in the picture above). This allows you to pee in a more civilised fashion and gives you team mates to help you cycle back to the peloton. In some stages of the Tour the whole peloton will agree to certain ‘pee zones’ where the whole group can pee en masse.

2) The “in-saddle” method. The other method that cyclists use to relieve themselves while riding in the Tour is to literally do it as they are cycling! Now without going into too much detail, the way this works is that cyclists turn their bodies to the side, aim for the side of the road (somewhere where there aren’t any spectators cheering) and fire! Often another cyclist will ride behind you and hold your bike to stabilise you as you ‘do your business’. It is also best to do this on a slight descent, you don’t want to be going too fast; but you also don’t want to slow down to the point that you need to start pedaling! This method has obvious downsides but it does mean that you don’t have to stop cycling while the others continue, thus not falling too far behind.

The 'in-saddle' method.

Now it is important to state that these cyclists are professions – Please don’t try this at home kids… it will only end in tears and an awkward explanation to your mum about how it happened!

It is important to stop here and state that there are certain unwritten rules that govern ‘wizzing’ in the Tour de France. The main one being that you shouldn’t attack if some of the leaders are taking a ‘nature break’. This is considered to be unfair and other riders will criticise them harshly and team up against them on the next stage of the Tour, it is the same principal if someone has a crash: you do not exploit other people’s bad luck!

You hear that Alberto?

The two other rules are a bit more self explanatory:

Wait till you really need to go! I cannot stress this enough

Make sure you really need to go, wait till you absolutely have to or otherwise you just look like that strange guy who doesn’t know that private areas are meant to be kept private! I mean it would just get awkward and the other cyclist would start to avoid you in the peloton! But you do need to be careful with this and remember the moral of the Nintendo Wii story – don’t wait too long!

Finally, don’t stop halfway through! I don’t care what happens, it is always, always best to let nature run it’s course! You don’t mess with what your body wants to do, it is just not natural.

Other than that it is simply practice makes perfect, but again, please remember that these guys are pros, don’t attempt to do this at home if you don’t know what you are doing!

So there you have it! Another one of life’s great questions solved!
This is an edited version of a post in the “beginners guide to the tour de France” series that was originally published in September 2009